152 insights into my soul

4,380 days…and counting

Twelve years ago today I got married. That statement in itself is its own thing; a beginning, middle, and end all unto itself. 

Sometimes I can’t remember what it was like to not be married. To not have him next to me. To think in terms of ‘me’ and not ‘us’.

Sometimes I marvel at the guts it takes to get married. I mean, really, you are pledging the rest of your life to this one person who you hope to God you can really trust. It’s nuts. It’s insane. It’s more than a bit of a crap shoot; it’s an all out gamble. 

And so we’re twelve years in, four kids added, about to make our way out of the Decade of Diapers (cue Hallelujah Chorus). The newborn fog has cleared, the newlywed phase has long past, and now we are in a season of learning to love deeply, day in and day out. 

There’s so much I could say. I could talk about our journey in learning to fight well and fight often, the struggle to communicate (who would have thought that would be So. Much. Work.), the ways we’ve learned about ourselves and come to truly understand each other. I could talk about how parenthood forges you, ministry flattens you, Jesus picks you up, and life keeps plowing forward at a speed that is both exhilarating and exhausting. 

I could talk about community; sweet, precious, priceless community that we’ve come to love so much in our time together. 

But today, all I can really think is the same thing I thought when I stood next to him twelve years ago: I’m so glad he picked me. 

My husband is irreverently funny, unfailingly loyal, maddeningly analytical. The strength of his will is a true force of nature, as is the depth of his forgiveness and the wide reach of his compassion. He is direct and intentional and purposeful in how he lives and moves out into the world. And I still say, just as I said when we started dating, that he is the most honest person I have ever met. Brutally honest. Terrifyingly honest. Beautifully honest. 

And all those things about him are shaping my forever, are molding our four crazies, are changing the world around us. 

I’m so glad he picked me. 

Here’s to you, Garrett Paul. 

I’m not sure who is crazier- him or the girl who signed up to follow him. But I am so thankful for today, for twelve years, for this wonderful life we’ve found amidst the life that happens to you and the Life that Christ offers. 

Happy Anniversary indeed.

*Pictures by Kameron Bayne Images

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